"i've always felt so scared of all this needing"

I’ve always felt so scared of all this needing
Everyone that I’ve met has been somewhat mistreated
That’s how it feels when you know that something’s wrong.

Then you came along like a swan off of the lake
You flew across my eyes and out into space,
And I ran and I crawled and I chased to get out fast.

That’s what I did…

And if all else fails then the ship won’t set sail.
God forbid but I guess the both of us will bail
But as far as I can tell I think things will be swell.

Have you seen me cry tears like diamonds
Down and down they fly, faster and faster like the speed of our love
Batting a thousand, but a homerun crack at love
This is where I tell you that, I know love's what I need to work at

So now the two of us rely on each other
With our premonitions out in the gutter
Who would have thought that I’d make it this far

I’ll make it seem like I’m stronger but I’m quite the actor
And now I’m so caught up and I can’t escape this pattern
But when I started losing hope, there you were, there you bloomed


my mind is a thrift store. random, useless, sporadic, pathetic, paranoid, broken, un-opened, nostalgic, shiny, thoughts.

bury them.

"and i would walk 500 miles, and i would walk 500 more, just to be the man to walk 1000 miles to fall down at your door."

to miss someone. one of the most deeply rooted feelings in your heart, besides love.

it's a longing. a yearning. a need for a touch, a sound, an image, a comfort.

sometimes it's a happy miss, and you feel you can last while this certain person is away.

sometimes it's a miserable miss, and you don't feel like moving from your bed because you just want them back in your arms.

absence makes the heart grow stronger, but the only way for it to grow stronger, is for the heart to go through rigorous training. and that leaves it sore.

my heart is really sore right now.

"I never knew a home, until I found your hands. When I'm weathered, you come to me... you're my best friend."

love. it's such a heavy word. it's such a heavy feeling. but when you get a taste, glimpse, spark of it, you realize why, and wouldn't trade it for the world.

two people. being themselves. caring more about the other than their own self. finding the little quirks and things about their significant other that they are magnetically attracted to. simple, little things in life.

looking. listening. loving. living.

i love him.

"I’m a satellite heart, lost in the dark. I’m spun out so far, you stop, I start, but I’ll be true to you."

one of the worst feelings, as far as i can tell, is the feeling of nostalgia.

i hate it. i want it to go away. it tugs at the edge of my stomach with an annoying nagging presence. for some reason this haunting spirit named Nostalgia doesn't want to leave me alone.

go away, Nostalgia, you are not wanted here.

"hey lloyd, i'm ready to be heart broken. cause i can't see farther than my own nose at this moment..."

sun is a huge golden dollar, but weeping willow still sways, even though the sun is giving her his sweet rays.

"what do i have to do" asks sun, "to gain your love, tell me true."

willow is a short lush smile, but moon still hides away, even though willow still sings him lovely praise.

"what do i have to do" asks willow, "to gain your love, tell me true."

as the thick, soft flakes soared past my window, i thought nothing but lethargic thoughts. why does this time of year always spark the horrible memory lane trips? it seems like every september/october i get horribly caught up in the past, and can't escape. the wet, the cold, the clouds, the air, the very small biting at the edge of your fingertips reflects memories. always, constantly tugging at the edges of my mind, and heart.

i'm pleased it is winter. i'm not looking forward to wind and ice, but i love the overcast, wintery feel. i am going to wear my fall/winter clothes, listen to zoe keating, and sit amidst the comfort of nature.

peace, love, and tofu.
--sierra.

"mama who bore me, mama who gave, no way to handle things, who made me so sad."

college life? yeah. i like it. a lot more than high school. it's like, i finally get to do what i want without the restraint of horrible standard requirements. i have 19 credit hours, all of which pertain to music, acting, dancing, or a combination of those. it's ... bliss.

i'm learning a lot. i have taken off on this new adventure, finally. i have met so many wonderful new people, and they are all my best friends already. it's so nice to feel this way after such a ... rough senior year. i feel at home.

ok enough of that fuzzy feeling. here's another polyvore design.


ok, what do ya think?

"i found a liquid cure for my landlocked blues. it will pass away like a slow parade, it's leaving but I don't know how soon"

peace by SierraDawn

so there's this little site...called polyvore. i'm in love.

i've never been a huge fashion junkie before, but i've always been creative. i like finding new things, old things, and wierd things. i like going out on a limb to wear something crazy, because i love it.

i have NEVER bought any top name brand clothes, nor do i ever plan on it.

i enjoy going to a thrift store and finding something special. i like mixing and matching. i can shop for cheap, and that's the way i like it.

but i definitely love making collages and such of things that represent me, which is why i love this site so much. so i decided to share my creations with you. it will give more of a meaning to this blog.

peace, love and tofu
-sierra

"i ain't no damsel in distress, and i don't need to be rescued, so put me down punk."

dear body,

you are different. you've always known that. growing up, seeing images in the magazines, you've known you weren't built like that. i'm sorry you went through stages when you thought you weren't good enough, and tried to do all you could to look like the pictures in the magazines.

sometimes i look at you and wonder, what if i had been given a different body, maybe one like my sisters? but then i think...

i wouldn't be me.

i am who i am. you are part of me. you are curvy, short, muscular, not skin and bone. you are cute. you are not mainstream image. you have a horrible time finding jeans, because you are a dancer, with real legs. you might not have abs, but you have a strong laughing muscle. you are unique, and that's me.

you, body, are beautiful. and mirrors should not be your enemy. love yourself, and i promise i will too.

"i'm a shake you off though, get up on that horse and ride into the sunset, look back with no remorse."

hey boy
why you didn't call me?

A. you're gay
B. you've got a girlfriend
C. you kinda thought i came on too strong or
D. i just wasn't your thing

great lines from one of my favorites, the blow. as some people may know, i'm on a journey. i'm on a journey of self discovery, freedom, creative adventure, and finding me, my muse, my flow of uniqueness and that little ball of power within me. i've recently been reading, listening, and watching my idols. in no particular order;

ani difranco
julie andrews
jane austen
harper lee
audrey hepburn
emma smith
karen carptenter
sierra kusterbeck
helena bonham carter
barbara streisand

these ladies are my examples. they are brilliant, and i hope to meet them in the afterlife. i've never really declared myself a feminist, but the past year or so i've been finding that i have feministic qualities and beliefs, even if i'm not a full fanatic.

i used to think my personality was that of a hopeless romantic. i liked it until i got my heart bruised a little more than i wanted. i do believe i'll find "the one" at the right time. but i'm going to let it happen on it's own. and until them i'm on my own. and i'm ok with that, finally! i'm no longer dependent on any guy, and i don't feel a void that has to constantly be filled.

i don't date. nope. not anymore. i'm forgetting it. there's so much for me to do! and so many places for me to go, and so many things for me to learn. about life, and me.

i want to meet new people. i want to become friends with a foreigner. i want to have adventures and do spontaneous things. i want to run up to a cute stranger in the middle of a crowd, and kiss him, then runaway. i want to go skydiving. i want to go to ireland and meet a musician in a pub. i want to see the world, meet the world, experience the world, and become the best me i can possibly be before i meet that significant other. and i hope he does the same, so we can be the best us.

peace, love, and tofu.
-sierradawn.

"i thought of you and where you'd gone and let the world spin madly on..."

good evening blogging world. this is my first official "blog" even though i've been old fashioned blogging my whole life. with just my pen and paper.

i'm an old fashioned girl. ya know? i always imagined myself in another time, era, place. i always thought my personality was better suited for the a lady in the renaissance time, a flapper/jazz singer in the 20's, or a music/peace guru in the 60's. but i suppose i was put here on this earth for this time. and i'm loving life nonetheless.

my entries to this blog will be scattered. sometimes organized, but mostly a general idea of my thoughts, beliefs, emotional high's and low's, and dreaming vapors.

let me explain why i don't capitalize anything. one of my favorite poets of all time is e.e. cummings. he was infamous for never capitalizing anything. and i admire that. so i have adopted it and it fits me quite well.

i will also title every one of my posts with a lyric line from one of my favorite songs at the moment. if you can guess the song/artist without cheating (googling the line) then i'll give you a brownie.

or at least brownie points.

anywho, i've got relatives in the next room here to celebrate the weekend and i suppose i should attend to them.

peace, love, and tofu.
-sierradawn.