"There's someone inside me that softly kills everyone around They don't know they're dead to me cause intent never makes a sound"

honestly, if i think about it, a part of me is jealous.

jealous that i don't have friends commenting me on facebook saying "so excited you're back from college! can't wait to do something fun with ya." "we're going to have some awesome adventures" "it's about time you're back"

jealous that no one is waiting for my arrival.

jealous that i sit at home, always the one to call others to drag them along with me.

jealous that my phone sits silent for days on end.

jealous that life is not like what it used to be.

"help me to carry the fire, we can keep it alive together"

things look a little blurred as i walk down the sidewalk. crisp chill air slides past my cheeks and tears and keeps moving past me. he drives past, and raises his hand to be in the shape of "i love you". i instantly mirror his gesture and watch as that little white car turns the corner and off out of sight.

he is gone.

but only physically.

i look off into the distance and realize that this was the greatest year i have known. i have felt the greatest love, pain, discoveries, and intimacies. i fell in love for the first time, and i will never let that go. that is a part of me, my soul, that will stay with me forever. he is now a permanent part of my soul. and i'm so glad.

i look around me as i drive up the road. mist on the mountain, and deep green plants poking their heads out of the damp earth. this is the beginning. the start of new life and joy. this is time for me to further find myself and what i'm capable of. i know that i can do it, and i realized it with a little help from him.

he is still my best friend forever, no matter the miles that separate us, and always will be.

"don't you know every kitten figures out how to get down, whether or not you ever show up."

i'm going to write a fairy tale where it's the princess in the shining armor. she has to go save the prince, who is up in a castle dreaming about his future and perfect bride. The princess is the brave, courages, strong knight who slays dragons, fights evil wizards or witches and carries the prince off into the distance.

why are there no fairy tales like this that exist?

"i will become this animal"

all animals, creatures, and living organisms have spirits. they live life. they feel and have emotions just like us. they can feel pain and love. they are full of the same stuff that lives and breathes insides. that stream of life and spirit we all share as human beings. we are all connected here on earth. we are all part of a never ending circle of energy. love life, respect all life, for all life is sacred.